B Plus Movies

Walking out of a movie store one day, I pass by the $5 bin and find a gently used copy of this:

My heart went pitter pat. I had to have it. I mean look at it… the red hair, the huge gun the upside down pentacle. I couldn’t understand how they could insult this movie by selling it for a single digit price.

Then I watched it.

The first thing that caught me was that it wasn’t an American made movie. That in and of itself is no big deal, but I was surprised by it’s country of origin: France. Usually when I think “French Film”, I don’t think of horror/action. This wasn’t a point against it, just unexpected.

From the moment you push play, the movie requires you to take a big leap of faith. The main character, Mallory, is the head of a Vatican sanctioned team of monster hunters. The other members consist of an inspector, a pre pubescent telepath and a seven foot tall, purple haired explosives expert that works in a PVC one piece accented with thigh high leather boots. They travel in a pink hearse. Later in the film, we’re introduced to Mallory’s former husband, an undead creature of some sort that she killed on their wedding night, still in her white dress, and who is still bound to her, compelled to answer her questions (apparently by the force of postmortem sexual tension).

In another film, I think this ensemble would work well. There are a number of japanese films that just kind of plop shapeshifters and tentacled things into your lap and expect you to act as if it’s all normal. The problem comes not in the incredulous nature of the characters, but in a flaw that’s killed more than one movie: the film can’t decide if it’s going to take itself seriously.

We’re encouraged to accept Mallory and her crew as badasses that can shop at Hot Topic because their the Vatican’s best and therefore can make their own rules. For crying out loud, Mallory wears a pair of fingerless leather gloves that have on the right knuckles “Fuck” and on the left “Evil”. But when it comes time for action, the movie flounders,  feeling like a parody of it’s own concept, going from dark and sinister to a campy romp like unto Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except without the compelling drama, special effects or character development.

I don’t mean Buffy the series. I mean the movie.

One minute, it’s comedy. The next, it’s horror. Then it’s wire-fu. The whole time, it kind of sucks.

This isn’t to say it doesn’t have at least one or two redeaming qualities. The actress who plays the title character, Olivia Bonamy, attempts to put real heart, angst and passion into her performance.  The other actors attempts are passable if not fun, but the direction and pacing of the film dull what might otherwise be the bright points of the movie.

I would say watch this only if you’re already a fan of marginal yet stylish cinema. It’s not a complete waste of time, but only just. Using the B+ Movies totally scientific yet faith based ratings system, I give this one a D.

And not just because they run over a black cat with no more explanation than, “You can never be to careful.”

Trackback URI | Comments RSS